POSTAL 2/Achievements

Global completion percentages from Steam, rarest first
Achievements
89
Rarest
3.0%
Ultra rare (<5%)
23
Avg. completion
16%

Harder than r/gonewild
Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

My Name is Jesus
Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Adderall4All
Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Scientology Level: OT VIII
Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Ode to Eddingshidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

You Snow Nothing John Blow
Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

CAN YOU DIG IT?!
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

PooMasherhidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Rich on Reddit
Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

40 Year Old Virgin
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Hobo Sexualhidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Ladies Love Cakehidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Planet of the Apes: The Musical
Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Gary vs. The K. Manhidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Anustart!
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

BioShocked
Spent $2000 on vending machines.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me
Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Dick Messagehidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Better than POSTAL III
Rescued your loyal companion.

Ape Gapehidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Fear and Loathing
Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

SCREW that game!hidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Gettin DP'd
Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

Hello, Newman
Kicked 30 dogs.

Pussy on a Pedestal
Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

Uncle T-Bag
Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad
Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Don't taze me, bro!
Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Rain on your Wedding Day
Reunited with an old flame.

Ginger Minthidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy
Mauled 30 people with your dog.

I don't need virgins for this
Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Holocaust: Part Deux
Reunited with an old enemy.

One time, at band camp...
Saved the marching band from explody death.

GABAGOOOOOL!
Reunited with an old friend.

Señor Cornballer
Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

John Rambo'd!hidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Running With Scissors
Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

Found 'em faster than GWBhidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Chapelle's Show
Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

I should buy a boat
Read the newspaper every day.

Rick Grimes 4 Life
Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

Reddit would be proud.
Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Thanks for the money!
Finished all seven days.

Rebecca Black's Nightmare
Totaled 30 cars.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens
Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

RAFIBOMB!!!
Kicked 10 people in the balls.

Shiva Blast
"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill
Exploded a nuclear bomb.

There's always money in the banana standhidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

I Am Legend
Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Chuck Norris'd!
Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Paid the Piper
Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

A-Rod Who?
Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

I'm not even supposed to be here today!hidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

You are not alonehidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Screw Bill Lumbergh!
Survived Saturday.

Darth Maul'd!
Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

Door Mat
Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

FAB-U-LOUS!
Wore all three outfits.

Can't Touch This
Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!
Killed over 1,000 people.

Gotta pay the Troll Tollhidden
Hidden achievement — description revealed on unlock.

Workin' for the Weekend
Survived Friday.

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!
Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace
Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

Where's Mr. McGibblets?
Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale
Roasted 30 people with fire.

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays
Survived Thursday.

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree
Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.
Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!
Survived Wednesday.

Do you even Enzyte, bro?
Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

Fur Sure!
Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway
Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Lieberman is our Leader!
Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Finkle IS Einhorn!
Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog
Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

C U Next Tuesday
Survived Tuesday.

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you
Put out someone that's on fire.

It's sterile and I like the taste
Sucked down your own piss.

Here, Wilfred
Gained your first dog helper.

Officer McLovin'
Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa
Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Duck Dynasty
Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!
Survived Monday.

Well, aren't YOU a badass
Kicked open a door.

Friend of Dorothy
Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

R. Kelly's Protege
Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Percentages are Steam's global unlock rates across all players who own POSTAL 2, refreshed daily. See live player counts and stats for POSTAL 2.